My daughter's first panic attack

Can you make out the words on this note written by my 10-year-old daughter?

It says, “I was absent on Tuesday, Feb. 26 because I had an anxiety attack.”

During the typical getting-ready-for-school chaos that morning, Brooklyn was feeling overwhelmed about a variety of things. The last straw was a missing shoe (isn’t it funny how the smallest things can be the biggest triggers?)

She cracked. The tears flowed. She began hyper-ventilating. She felt paralyzed by the idea of walking into school. So, we let her stay home. We de-briefed. We wrote down a list of coping skills that she now keeps a photo of on her phone. There was no shaming, no blaming, and no exasperation. I wanted to normalize this experience for her.

She is learning that we all get overwhelmed sometimes, we all feel paralyzed sometimes, and we all want to give up sometimes. She is learning that our emotions are communicators and when we try to smother and shroud our emotions without addressing the root of them, we can wind up broken. 💔

What’s stunning to me is that I did not coach her on the wording of this note at all. Brooklyn knew she would need an absence note and she wrote this herself, and brought it to her dad to sign. Questions like “should I be telling my teacher about this/what will she think of me/what if the other kids find out” did not enter her mind. Or I guess, if they did, she didn’t care 🙌🏻

I’m so dang proud of her 💙

This next generation of kids being raised up in our country - my hope and wish is that they will have NO hesitation in speaking up about their mental health symptoms and needs AND THEN GETTING HELP FOR THEM ✨ I hope we all come to understand that an anxiety-free life is not realistic. So, let’s talk about it more. Let’s be open and honest and vulnerable (with the right people) about our struggles and our hearts. Let’s be strong for each other. Especially our kids 💙

Sometimes we make it too complicated.

I think we make it too complicated sometimes when it comes to psychiatry and mental health treatment. We try to ascribe labels and diagnostic codes and levels of care. 

What if, when you are in front of me, I just listen to your heart?

When I’m meeting with a patient for the first time, I think it’s a pretty simple breakdown. 

I want to know:

1) What are your stressors? These can be big or small. Think about anything that is interfering with your ability to be happy in the present.

2) Of all your current symptoms, what are your top five or ten that are most troubling to you? 

3) Trauma is something we all have. I define trauma as any event that you perceived to be negative or unexpected that left you feeling confused, overwhelmed, frightened, or helpless. After giving this some thought, please list any history of trauma that might be affecting your ability to be happy in the present.

4) Considering all of our stressors, symptoms, and trauma, it’s only natural that we would find a way to soothe ourselves or numb any negative emotions. I’d like you to list your current ways of coping below– the good stuff and the bad stuff. What do you do to get through the day? Honesty here is key. I promise, no judgement on my part :) This includes some tough self-insight. 

Are you using alcohol, caffeine, food/sugar, shopping/gambling, any form of self-harm, pornography? What’s your average daily screen time? What are some toxic relationships that you can’t seem to give up? Are you taking care of yourself physically? Are you sleeping to escape? Are you involving your spiritual side? 

These are tough questions. It took me a while to learn how to ask them without being too clinical or checklist-y. 

Still. They need to be asked. 

Feel free to comment below or DM me with any insights or comments, friends!